This morning I had a lot of "aha's" which if I shared would be lost in the translation. But, the essence of it all began as I was walking this morning and felt really angry that I can't feed myself without buying into a system I do not believe in or want to support.
This earth and nature provide everything we need to sustain ourselves regardless of our politics, religion, beliefs, or preferences - but we do not have the right in almost everywhere in the US to feed ourselves without first submitting to a set of rules not given by God or Nature, but by man's need to control both.
True freedom is the ability to make a choice and live with its consequence. Not by the minds of men, but the laws of God or this Universe. But the collective fear of responsibility or consequence has led us to create laws that were meant to keep us safe, but really only have enslaved us.
No where is this more evident than in our food. We are being poisoned and slowly killed as the quality of our food diminishes and is perverted by global corporations focused on profit and control.
We are denied access to what is wild. We are confined to water that is toxic. We are limited to rules about how we use the land and its resources as defined by the state.
Money and not the willingness to work hard and take care of ourselves is the means of control. You have to have money to buy your food freedom and that is not what this world was meant to be.
Then I turned the computer on and found examples of both the problem and the solution.
The problem: Town denies individuals the right to grow food because they don't like the way it "looks."
The solution: Town turn itself into an edible community.
Where do you stand? For freedom or for control?
There is this helplessness so many of us feel - my self included - because it is hard to both want Freedom and to make the choices to have it. It takes money. And how we get that money seems to be the means by which we are controlled.
I don't have the answers, but I do know they will come. Money is not the problem. My willingness to stand for what I believe in is really the bigger issue.
So it is really me asking my self, where do I stand?
Today I'm cheating a bit and using the same picture twice. But it is to make a point, honest!
The last post I talked a bit about the fear that my dog Freedom still lives with. It's hard to watch him hurt himself, often literally, because he crashes through things or pulls away or runs... There have been some really scary moment!
But what is more cool to see is his trust in me grow and who "I AM" to him.
On our morning walks there are all kinds of pointy things that get stuck in his feet. How he can keep walking is beyond me. One touch of a burr/goatshead/sticker (the name seems to depend on where you live?) and I scream, well curse....
But if he can't get it out himself from his paw, he has learned he just needs to hold it up and I will help him. I AM someone he is learning to trust. That is an awesome feeling.
That cactus is just one of the things that lies hiding in wait for us to walk by.
There is probably no phrase that is more powerful or less intentionally used than, "I AM ___." You fill in the blank.
In a Universe that creates by what we think I know I seem to live in a world that rarely chooses to pay attention to what I say, much less my thoughts.
But I do think about the fact I should think about what I think - more, and then do better. But it is weird and let's face it, feels like a free pass if we're not really paying attention!
When I took the picture of Freedom I didn't think anything about it. When i edited it a bit, I thought one thing. When I used it yesterday, I did so in direct opposition (about fear) from what I felt making it - which was the energy of freedom.
This is much more of what I had in mind!
I love it because it speaks to the literal truth - after all, that is Freedom! And the Spiritual Truth - that I AM Freedom!
Just the thought for the day - which I will admit came easier as FINALLY we are having a moment of No Wind or Clouds - just stillness and Sunshine... Thank Goodness!!!
Confessions, this is a post to self... Maybe if I write it publicly I will take it more seriously. I tend to have a committment problem. Not to others. To my self.
But I am sure you have no idea what I am talking about!
We all know the phrase and the idea of looking at "Life through rose colored glasses."
There is plenty of science these days that will support this idea. Those who are more positive reap more benefits in terms of health, etc than those of us (ok me) who tend to view life more negatively.
I went with a picture of a foot - you know, life is a journey metaphor - to make this point.
There is also very interesting science that says it takes almost twice as much mental effort to think negative thoughts as positive. The same is true for a smile vs. frown.
The bottom line is joy wins over pain - every time. But some how knowing this isn't enough. So, I thought I would also try and make the point a little more practically ...
So this is the same shot only literally rose colored - ok, I know it's really pink, but close enough to make the point!
Because I am wearing rose (pink) colored glasses! The bonus is they turned out kinda cute don't you think!
This is something I really struggle with. I am just not naturally positive. I am an excellent problem solver because I have an amazing ability to see problems everywhere.
It made me a very good social worker. It makes me less fun though in normal social situations. And it reaks havoc on my own ability to maintain any consistent level of joy. Which is the point to life so I have been told...
Interestingly, Freedom is much the same way. He is afraid of EVERYTHING! He has come a very long way in the two years we have now lived together. He trusts me more. He has more fun. But he still is all about the fear of what he doesn't understand.
So he is a great witness to the fact that living from a negative perspective just doesn't make sense. I can see how it limits his life. I believe it limits mine. Plus, it offers NO benefit. Okay one benefit is it does allow me to problem solve ahead of time and avoid some ugly kind of stuff...
Hey, look at that I just found the positive in the negative!
I am trying to work on this purposefully. But I just had an encounter that was my fault for upsetting someone because I can't seem to stop saying the negative out loud.... Fear when shared increases for everyone and there is no benefit to making more fear....
For those who have followed the above picture is an evolution of my attempt to keep finding the beautiful around me. The star is the top of my tumbleweed Christmas tree that I will show you later. But when the sun hits the star in the right way is sparkles and shines (mostly because the silver stuff is glitter:)
But it is exactly these types of tiny acts - pink glasses, glitter on old wire, hearts made of barbed wire - that remind me to find the rosey view of life no matter what is or is not happening around me.
It is always there if I am willing to look for it. The pink glasses though Do make looking a lot more fun!!!
Life seems to be taking on a very specific pattern here...
When the super cold comes life begins to blur into one very long day or one very long storm that all seem to be looking about the same.
While the ice-storm struck so many, out here on the range we just got snow - thank you!!! The slight difference this time was "how" cold it got I got some new thermometers for outside (and yes one is already broken) and they stopped at zero. So, if it went lower I can either pretend I don't know about it or be happy we made it thru another record breaker here in the tiny trailer!
At the coldest outside it was in the high 50's inside - well depending on where exactly you are... the back end was close to getting south of 40....
But still all totally doable. The coldest I've been in since I left home was 6 degrees, so this was less than that and all was okay! Yea Yea Yea!!!
There was one slight disaster, Lilith likes to sit where I sit and so she climbs into the dent left by my rear end as it is nice and warm. I had at one point just leaned about six inches forward and went back down... yea, it was ugly for her. I can't believe she could move that fast and she still isn't really talking to me...
I had wanted to get this picture before it snowed- that tumbleweed pile was NOT there the day before. The winds brought them and a lot more in. What is really weird is the wind was blowing in the opposite direction from which they piled up. Not really sure how this happened?
The last picture is my favorite from today. This morning, too early to take pictures and too cold (last storm my camera stopped working?) everything was covered in soft snow and was sparkling like diamonds as the sun crested the horizon.
I couldn't exactly capture that feeling, but this is close!
So, each day seems to be bringing new adventures. Right now it's only about 24 degrees out but I've got NO heater on - yea! I don't like the way that kind of heat feels and the sun is much better. Plus, let the truth be known just how frugal I can really be.... hey, we've got tons of blankets!
Below is the video from the last storm - which was a lot like this one, minus the ice part. Other than that? The dark trailer, camping in my tiny warm zone, and two heaters going - yup, yesterday was a lot like that...
Hope you enjoy the pictures - it seems to be my favorite part of all this so far!
See you next time from out here on the prairie!!!
A few posts ago I decided to share a bit more honestly, feeling like I had the freedom to do that. But that is not what happened. I don't want to share the details here, but my choice to express my self a little more freely resulted in a set of consequences I am NOT happy about.
Every decision we make has a consequence and that is part of being an adult, accepting both the choice and consequence. But we are creating a world in which we are more afraid of the consequence so we are giving the power of our choice to something or someone outside of us.
The need we tell our self is we want safety and comfort. The price we, as a nation and individual, seem to be willing to pay is our freedom and liberty.
This country was founded because only about 3% of the population wanted liberty more than enslavement. They chose to accept the consequences which for many, was death. But is life, life if it is lived in a prison?
The very essence of my decision to live this life I have embarked on was a spiritual commitment to truth and freedom. But it also involves risk, uncertainty, and more than a fair amount of discomfort.
Is my security as risk? It depends on who or what you believe is creating your life. I choose to not live hostage to my fear or any one else's - no matter what the consequences. That doesn't mean I am not afraid at times. It just means no matter what is happening, I choose to own it and take the next step even if I am afraid.
Having to respond to others fears is exhausting. Having to respond to my own is exhausting. My response has been to just say nothing, get along, and let it go.
But the truth of truth is you don't respond to the fear, you turn the other cheek to it. The more time you focus on the fear the bigger it gets and the more darkness, evil, or those who choose to embody it in this world, win. And that includes each of us.
So, instead of being less honest, I believe it is time to be more honest. Not just about my life, but about what is happening all around us. Not by focusing on what is going wrong, but rather what is going right.
This morning I had the 'aha' that I've been willing to sacrifice LOVE for my Freedom - but that is not what is being asked of me. Freedom is love because love never asks for anything - and especially not to be a hostage to fear.
We choose to love or to fear and then we have to live with the consequences. That is what being a grown up is all about. Sometimes it is very uncomfortable as you will see in the posts below! But more often it is awesome because Freedom is the reason we came into this world - to seek with courage for it and to live in the hope we will find it. And that is as good as any reason as I can find to get up every morning - no matter what!
Okay, I get up for love too!
Welcome to my Journey!
I'm inviting you to join me on my journey as I seek to find a new way of being in an old set of systems. It's hard, but worth it!