I've got to start with something I am just so excited about. The grass is growing. No, not "that" kind of grass. The real kind. The kind you walked on your whole life and never thought about. The kind of grass that makes you want to run barefoot, lie on your back in, and have a picnic on with those you love the most.
Okay, it might not look like much to you, but out here in the middle of New Mexico where it's been three years I am told since there's been any decent rain - what you see above is like gold here.
You can talk ALL DAY LONG about the value of gold, silver, dollars, and storing food - but here's the bottom line. You got no rain to grow the grass and all the money in the world will only buy you test tube hamburger. No thank you.
Food is life. And all food begins in the soil. There is a quote in the bible somewhere as well as the title of a great book, "all flesh is grass." And news flash, we are all flesh.
There's the difference. To the right is what the land here mostly looks like. To the left is what it is becoming.
The heavens have opened up and it is raining - enough that the grass is beginning to grow.
The picture above is about a month ago. All dead grass, all the time, and all around. Not everyone is getting enough rain, it's still hit and miss. About 30 miles east I'm told it's so high someone thought they were in Kansas!
But here is my point. Gold is a great idea that we grasp on to try and find wealth and then hold on to it. But grass is a real idea that defines our true wealth and without none of us will have much to hold on to.
All the gold in the world won't make enough grass grow to feed us - not that some people aren't trying to control nature to make it so (how's that working out?).
In this life I have chosen to lead I am finding such gratitude and appreciation for things I never thought about at all. Grass is one of them. Like I said, I am just so excited to see a little bit of green under my feet. Who knew something so small could be so awesome!!!
In a few weeks my official two year anniversary will be here for living in my tiny box. I never thought I'd still be here, but it has come to my attention I can't really imagine not living here.
Yesterday it rained for about 8 hours straight. Good for the ground. Good for the grass. Not so good if you live in a tiny box!
Part of what makes me stay sane is I can get out of here several times a day. Yesterday, me and the dog were trapped for most of it. He is very patient. I have learned to be.
But at one point yesterday, as it has done this before, things got really scary. I've learned that it is highly unlikely my trailer will flip in big wind, but I also know it does still happen.
I try and stay calm to not freak the animals out - there's no point in all of us feeling bad. My cat rarely gets shaken up. My dog more so. Me, I tend to be a bit more on the side of all the things that could go wrong.
Which brings me to the point. Whether you live in a tiny box or a huge mansion, some things never change.
For me yesterday it was literally trying to find comfort in the storm.
I've had this conversation a lot lately - comfort vs. discomfort - and our society's great unease with discomfort. But when there is fear of a greater discomfort than the one happening in the moment - out come all the coping tools.
A tiny box upright, dry, and safe vs. laying on my side or upside down and then dealing with that... It's hard to keep things organized now, I can't even imagine being inverted!
Yesterday it was interesting to observe myself find my comfort. Changing out of shorts and a cotton shirt to sweats and flannel. Hot tea. Distracting fiction (Thank you Janet Evanovich!). Petting the cat and dog who were both now butted up against me looking a bit concerned. Grilled cheese instead of a salad. If it had been colder, hot chocolate would have been next.
As I went through the actions it occurred to me I knew exactly what to do and how to do it. There is comfort in a routine also.
I'm mostly ready to be out of my tiny box, but I am also aware that even without the storm, it has become a source of comfort for the other kinds of storms - uncertainty, fear, and the added responsibility a bigger box will create.
Life in my tiny box has taught me a LOT. But mostly, it has reminded me how little we need to be happy and how much we have to be grateful for.
I've been thinking lately about why I write, make videos, get up in the morning. These are the big questions that at their core have consistent answers - but those core ideas get lost so easily during the trivialities of a day.
But here is one thing that never waivers, nor shifts, nor diminishes. My love for my dog. It only grows. Also for my cat, but I haven't created anything to witness that for her - yet.
This is one of my favorite videos I have made. I hope you enjoy it!
There are two things right now in my life that I am more than a little frustrated about. The first is mice. The second men.
I wrote a bit ago on the men topic, today - let's talk about mice....
This is a live catch mouse trap. After a month of living with what I thought was just one mouse, I caught two. I guess after a week of increased difficulty finding any food they succumbed to the Doritos I put in the trap. The cheese and peanut butter didn't do it for them - great, I've got junk food mice.
Now that it's been a few days with no droppings and no noise I thought I'd caught them. No. Only after I spent most of yesterday cleaning up after the other two someone else is in my space. Clean drawers and counters revealed less than clean poop. Gross is the understatement.
The great irony here - I can make men go away with almost no effort. Mice, maximum effort with little to no retreat. These guys haven't even had water this whole time.
I don't think there is a new point of entry - the original was laziness on my part of leaving an opening - even if it was 3 feet straight up with nothing to grip on. My bad.
Maybe my psychic friend got things wrong. Maybe the cowboy named Jacob who she told me would finally stay and not go away was really a mouse named Jacob and the river we lived next to was really the grey water that exits my trailer daily.
Any time a new man enters my life I am reminded men are generally noisy and stinky - sorry, but you are. Right now I'd take a little extra sweat and door slamming over the pitter patter of tiny feet and the plopping of the poop I am living with now.
For the first time in a while it's not going to be HOT today. Climate seems to consist of cold winters, a few weeks or week or mild spring, then HOT summers. Last year I made the mistake of driving into the heat.
Each time I moved it was down in elevation which means temperatures stayed up. Brilliant planning on my part, yes?
This year my goal is to manage stay in the higher places longer - we will see! So far what I plan and what actually seems to happen rarely sync up.
I wanted to share how cool the clouds were here when it rains. But it's raining so I'll have to go with last years example. I have a friend here who is from Montana - the pretty side - who says our Big Sky's are bigger and better. Sounds like something they would say in Texas.
This is the kind of weather where I really miss my old home. I miss having a house that doesn't shake and bounce and leak...though so far so good on that one!
I miss not having a fireplace, an oven that is bigger than a piece of toast, and the sense that you are safe from the elements, not living almost in them. Then again, I have it much better than the sheep outside my door who are visiting. They are wool sheep and we all know what happens when wool gets wet!
But it is beautiful isn't it! I am one of those people who NEEDS the sun. The joke in our family is if we lived in Seattle we'd all be under the covers, zoned out on Prozac.
But this last year has been bad...and I mean BAD....for drought, dust, and all the issues that go with it. Rain is better than gold.
The rain is a welcome sight and sound today and every day. Then, eventually, we'll all be complaining about having too much rain. Okay, so I won't hold my breath on that one!
As you can see, posting has not been something I've done much of for the last few months. I'm having some confusion on what I want this blog to be about. So, when in doubt, do nothing - or at least that has been my motto more often than not these last few years.
Here is my current issue that I hesitate to write about but am totally at a loss with how to handle.
As you can see from my site I am traveling alone, well at least without any other humans.
As a therapist I understand what is happening, as just a girl on the road - I am not so good at handling it.
So here is what happens. When someone posts information and another someone reads it, there is a sense of feeling like you "know" who you are reading about. You may feel a connection and then reach out with an email or text or call.
I love hearing from people but what is hard to explain is that for me I have no connection to the person contacting me. I may get a name, but rarely anything else. You've had a chance to see me, hear me, learn about me, etc - on my end, I got nothing.
It is akward..... especially when there is an assumption that "we" have a connection. It's not personal, remember, I don't even know you. Which is the akward part. I don't know you - and I need to add ALL kinds of people contact me. Including those who have listings on websites that include warning labels....
I love that you say hi. But I also can't just assume you are the guy for me... because this is the truth, I am not who you think I am. Never have been. Never will be. And when any guy - online or in person gets that, they usually get angry with me for not being who they want me to be... so you can see why I hesitate in how I communicate with you.
I feel weird even writing this - but I feel even more uncomfortable just ignoring emails and even more uncomfortable when they get nasty...
Again, I love it when people say hello. I want to hear from you. I just want to share what it is like on my side of the equation.
And who knows, maybe some day I will meet the guy that is for me... okay, BIG maybe... But what I do know as a therapist, getting to really know someone takes time and equal sharing. Not popular in our instant gratification, hooking up, and I want it now society.
Which is one reason I've tried to leave society far behind....
Welcome to my Journey!
I'm inviting you to join me on my journey as I seek to find a new way of being in an old set of systems. It's hard, but worth it!