It is good to be back! My access to my website has been gone for a few days and somehow it magically returned! Not due to my website host... if you have any inclination to run a business never forget customer service requires you to actually work with the customer...
But, with that said, I am in temporary reprieve for now!
Lilith is happy too! As the temps and winds are not so intense on some days, we can follow an open door policy! She was of course sitting still until I took the picture... Freedom on the other hand only is IN or OUT. He kinda lurks around the door when it's open but still won't come and go on his own.
Fear is just bad when it keeps you out in the "cold, dark, windy, lonely" fill in your own blank!
As this has somehow turned into a mouse and cow blog... I am happy to report we are down five more mice. Lilith has become quite "efficient" in her nightly stalks. I am even getting less upset when it is a fatal catch on her part. I don't like to kill things and as you can see above, we did a live release this morning. But, I am getting tired of the mice sharing our tiny home...
The catching part usually takes place around 3-4am and requires both my hands, so no pictures of that!
I am also trying to honor my own business theories that transparency is the name of the game these days! I just listened to a blog saying that same thing, only he called it open source. I'll cover that in the next podcast I do.
So, here is my morning - laundry and also a quick view of the garden prep I'm planning soon! I didn't photograph the 30 minutes I spent tearing the trailer apart trying to find the planting seeds I purposefully put aside so I wouldn't lose them... only to find them in the one place I assumed I wouldn't put them.
Who ever says ADHD isn't real, spend a day with me. I'll cover all that in a podcast too - which I need to get organized, which I haven't. Refer to the first sentence in this paragraph...
So, here are a few pictures of life - here - today! Hopefully the web hosting site won't shut me out and I will see you soon!
I hope you are having a wonderful day on this first official day of Spring!!!
sur•viv•al (sərˈvaɪ vəl)
n. 1. the act or fact of surviving.
2. a person or thing that survives or endures, esp. an ancient custom, observance, belief, etc. adj.
3. of or for use in surviving, esp. under adverse or unusual circumstances: survival techniques. [1590–1600]
Survival is a word we use to describe coming out the other side of many things. Loss, illness, disaster, adversity - the list is long when you start looking at how many people use the word "survive" in describing an experience they have had or one they are preparing to have.
And there is often a lot of fear around this word. To survive something usually means that something was bad...
But most importantly to note, the idea of survival means we have been victim to forces outside of our control.
I don't accept that definition any more. Life is about more than surviving - and it SHOULD be about more.
I believe to "survive" means we CHOOSE TO LIVE. Yes, I said - choose. No accidents, no victims, and no chance. Just choice.
The power in this is it requires us to take back FULL responsibility for our lives, our choices, and our experiences. It asks us to move past defending our old way of being and allowing events and experiences to shape, mold, and grow us in new ways.
Our choice is will we become more or less?
We just love labels in this world and with those labels we identify our beliefs and those we hope agree with us. I am choosing the label "survival" because within it even those most afraid are still desiring to live. Life is a choice. There are many who breathe and move but don't really live.
That includes those lost in virtual worlds with no real life consequences.
Life is messy, often smelly, risky, and can be scary. But it is also miraculous, beautiful, vibrant, and intoxicating - especially when faced with a "survival" kind of moment.
The vast amount of information being put out about how to live post-crisis is important. But that is a small and tiny part of this idea of what it means to survive, or really live.
This journey I've been on has been a very long series of events and experiences about my own choices in what it means to live. Many things that have happened I haven't shared even though they have been the most pivotal.
But more than that has been my own limiting choices of what to share because of how I believe others will react to what I truly believe it means to live and why we are all facing our own journeys of survival.
I was recently reminded if you aren't making people angry, you aren't doing your job. Then there's the idea being floated that certain words should be banned because they make girls "feel bad" and so they won't want to lead.
Women are taught from a very young age that to survive you'll do better if you are 'nice' and compliant. It's taken me a long, long time to learn to comply and be nice - so long in fact, I've forgotten how to be me. The opinionated, strong, and very different person I was a long time ago.
That girl couldn't get along with others, often got fired, and couldn't maintain relationships. I was obnoxious and in many ways I still am - just ask Lilith and Freedom!
But she survived even though she didn't really want to live. Trying to live in a way that makes you small or less than or boxed in isn't living. Most of us are surviving in this world hoping that someday we will find a way to truly LIVE.
We follow rules, try to go along, and hope someday something out in the world will makes us feel better or happier or more fulfilled. Or, we try and change people, systems, jobs, etc. in the hope that THEN we will feel okay. Hah!
Like the survivalists talking about prepping for the worst, I to want to live. But not on the worlds terms and certainly not within the current systems we've got in place. Where people who follow the rules lose and those who break them win - bankers, criminals, and the like.
Banning certain words won't help. Not letting the people who call you those words stop you or change you, will help. Seems simple right?
Hardly. But that is the journey! If it was easy, we'd all be there already!
My journey of survival has taken many, many shapes, forms, and experiences - all keep moving me forward. Yours has too if you can change the way you view things from being a victim to being responsible for all of it and then keep moving forward.
We are all alive, but how many of us are really living? Surviving means choosing to live and my hope is you will choose to live in a way that is big and bold and your most courageous and authentic version of you there is.
That is what life is meant to be. So choose to survive, choose life!
One of the things I have found amusing in this process of living very differently and at the same time trying to decide what to share is the irony of my day.
Each morning I spend time in prayer, reflection, and focusing on the big things like love, truth, God, honor, etc. and how to apply them to my life.
But with every big thought there are the little ones that sneak in - what was that sound? Are the mice running around again? Why is Freedom itching his ear, did I miss a tick?
There is this constant shifting back and forth between the abstract and immense with the concrete and specific. My physical world is tiny and in great contrast to my inner world - it is one of the reasons I can live this way. But at the same time I find it funny - sort of - that things like mice, ticks, and the clutter in this tiny space can totally GET TO ME!
Small victories, like getting close enough to take pictures of the cows now I find satisfying at a deep soul level. Appreciating Freedoms patience with the cows is an awesome display of the power in nature vs. us trying to control everything.
Watching cows now walk up to me - especially #123 - gets a big thrill. FInding out the mice are eating the dog food is the opposite of thrilling...
Big and little consume my day and I am not sure what it means other than there are some realities to living on the land, literally, and also we just can't control everything....
I think about yogi's who sit in caves for years at a time having to master not being bugged by bugs. And it also makes sense that the less you have, the less you have to clean, protect, fix, heal, organize, etc..... walking around with just the clothes on your back makes sense at some level - other than smell!
As I write this it occurs to me that maybe the dirt, bugs, etc "ground" me - a word from the psychology days meaning to keep your feet on the earth and the spiritual ways of being lost to the realities of what is.
I fear the farther away from the earth and dirt and animals and rodents we all get, the less grounded in reality any one is. While communing with the abstract ideas of God and truth and love are essential to all of us, they can't be all that we do.
Any more than the fantasies of TV, pop culture, politics, and social media - none of which means anything when your feet are literally one the ground which FYI is required to live a real life.
I love this land, the animals, and while I don't love the ticks or mice, I am finding a bit more appreciation for them right now - though I have no doubt it will pass.
It's been a bit since I have posted and the truth is things are not so well here on my computer. I can't really post from the easy place and it has become a lot more complicated and time consuming to do any online work. So, I haven't been. That doesn't even touch on though what the mouse is doing...the computer one, not the ones living inside...
But, I've been promising to post cow pictures - late, but never too late!
We are all still getting aquainted, though they have been here a few weeks. Right now they are on the opposite side of where I am staying but will be coming over to this side in the next month or so.
The owner is a bit worried about us all sharing space as I am parked near the water. I've been trying to get a bit closer to them so they won't be nervous around me and Freedom. They have figured out we don't want anything from them so they don't run. I'm not sure they know what to make of Freedom. He wants to play, they don't really want to play back....
On a happy note the planes have ceased chemtrailing the last few days and then by "magic" - yea right - or really by leaving the sky alone, rain clouds could form and it finally rained here the last two days.
There is some beautiful snow on the horizon higher in the mountains. Glorious to look at, but sorry can't get good pictures just yet. The chemtrails are much easier to show you...
There is a lot to do here. Decisions to be made. And hopefully someday progress to be shown. But next is to move the trailer to a different direction. Big winds are here and this here box has been rocking and rolling more than I like.
If we can head into the main winds, it's a lot less scary when the wind blows. Of course, it is likely to be very upsetting to the veritable ZOO that seems to be living under my trailer. The night time dog walk and flashlight have been revealing a lot of activity. Who knew there were so many different types of rodents running around at night?
Wish me and them luck. They won't be happy in the next few minutes when I pull out the tires which have been their winter homes. Not sure who will scream louder when they run by - me or them! Okay, wish me luck and here we go!
Welcome to my Journey!
I'm inviting you to join me on my journey as I seek to find a new way of being in an old set of systems. It's hard, but worth it!