I LOVE a good movie. Do you? How could you not?
To get lost in a story is as old as time.
But here's what else movies can give us - they can offer us a glimpse into something we can learn from, grow from, become MORE from.
"Warrior" is now streaming onNetflix - but only until 2.5.2014.
I am sharing this because it is not only a great story - but it contains great moments that all will benefit from.
Here's a peak:
I believe in the power of story to heal old wounds and nothing is more important right now than the wounds of war, of men, or what it means to be a true warrior.
The contrast between men playing at being warriors in a body to an audience and ego vs. the truth of being a warrior and its cost if it is not transformed and healed in the mind, the heart, and the spirit is VITAL to understand for our world.
As a therapist I believe in the power of story to heal your own. With that said, at the end there is a list of questions and ideas that can be used to get more from this movie. It is part of a movie project for those battling PTSD, depression, and suicide - you can find more here.
But it's not all about the heavy stuff - it's about great actors taking you into a story you will be the better for sharing. It's about the fun of just getting out of your own life for a few hours.
And, it's what movies and stories are meant to be - good!
Don't miss out before it's gone!!!
It is very still this morning. That is pretty rare actually. It is awesome!
To walk the land with no need to bend into the wind is even more awesome!
And so was our sunrise.
So much of the talk about survival is about the chaos. The disaster. The doom. The death. The destruction.
But the movie always ends with a sunrise.
No one really talks about after the chaos.
But that is the point to all of this. Not what we lose, but what we build from the ashes.
The ashes may be real or they may be metaphorical.
When the smoke clears - there is an incredible stillness that happens.
And after that there is the simplicity of choices - survival is always about what you need and less about what you want.
That kind of simplicity is beautiful. It is the sifting of the wheat from the chaff.
After the crisis what is important becomes crystal clear. Who we love and how to take care of them.
After the crisis is not about who you need to kill to stay safe, but how can strangers and enemies make peace so that you both can live? Two can stay much warmer together than alone. Even when nature has told them to be enemies.
The survival that so many are prepparing for or are afraid will happen is not the point. But what we build after it is.
And here is another idea - you don't have to wait for a crisis or disaster to find stillness or simplicity.
I just wanted to say hi this morning!
The sun decided so far not to shine. Bummer. Tomorrow big cold is back. Bigger Bummer.
But, I am all warm and glowy inside!
It has been very, very good to be in this prairie place and settle in. I am getting comfortable - but I also got a new offer down south.... It is good to keep your options open!
But even a little outside bleak can create beauty if you take a new angle.
These trees are one of my favorite subjects to photograph. This is back when there was snow. The snow is all gone except for tiny patches in remote shade - it is still holding on!
This next picture is one of my favorite. Same trees, different expression of them.
Even though this journey is wildly uncertain - I am also finally finding my certainty I will be okay. Trust can only be built over time. It totally sucks while it is happening. But, in the end - ALL worth it!
The more I am learning to trust and stop trying to control everything - the more warm and glowy I seem to get. While uncertainty is not really my friend, we are making a kind of peace with each other.
I hope you will have a wonderful day and I will be back soon from out here on the prairie!!!
I've been spending a lot of time thinking (because the wind has stopped the last few days and i can) about all of this journey and what it means to me, to you, and to the bigger picture for us all.
While it has been all about me - when you really understand the laws of the Universe - it makes sense that it is about you, too. I wake up each day in search of freedom - but not just for me, for you too.
And even though my life is very small, ideas are infinite and how they manifest is irrelevant. Be it opening the gates to a prison camp or just opening the door and breathing in the landscape - the idea, as feeling, is the point to all of it.
Which brings me to this very tiny example of survival - but the very big feeling and idea it represents. Okay, this isn't really a survival issue... It's more of a sanity issue:)
I think most of you know I am basically camping. Translation I can't take a shower inside or walk anywhere to do that.
I have a place I can drive to. But that is kinda a hassle. Plus, I am dependent on the kindess of others and sometimes that stops working out....
So, a little panic about what I would do if it did?
It's winter so outside is a little tougher. Hence my first method I tried - a pot of water and the sink. The first problem was my hair is too long.
Easy to fix? Yes. Did I do a very good job? No. But nothing six months of growing out won't soften a bit....
Next option. Solar shower. Good in summer. But in winter as an fyi - four hours of sun with a high of 50 degrees made the water not cold - but not really very warm either.
Here's my shower area. The stool I can sit on to keep the water off of me and the stones keep my feet out of the mud. Plus, the wall blocks drive bys and wind - benefit!
So, no big deal right? Yes because I've discovered dirty hair is one of the things I don't tolerate well. Did you know long hair as it gets greasy in a windy environment collects all that dirt blowing around and then gets heavy and stiff?
But this is the real point. It is empowering to know I can find a solution that keeps me independent. Yes, we need others. But it has been a hard line to walk between needing others help and also being safe and on my own.
Something small like this lets me find that feeling of just a bit more freedom - both within and also with the fact that my hair isn't plastered to my head - it's all about the hats...
So, now that I am done - who is next?
I've asked you before, why do you get up each morning? But here's the same question for you, what drives the journey of your life?
I chose the word drive because there is motion behind the idea. You can drive forward or in reverse, but the idea of drive - be it literal or the description of an internal motivation - it is movement.
Life is motion. The clouds move. The windmills move. The train moves. The only real questions are the details of why, when, where, how, etc.
I've said before the Freedom is what drives my journey.
I've learned along the way that Freedom may be important to me, but it isn't important to most people. Hence, the state of the world.
When I look up from where I am now, all I see is blue sky - in such a vast and open way that every fiber of my being screams yes, Freedom.
In answer to the question I get about why here? Why not move somewhere more "comfortable?" I know they don't understand.
I value freedom more than comfort. I also understand that I am anchoring that feeling for you , here, until more people are ready for their freedom. It is who we are and how we radiate our energy as movement that creates this world, not by what we do.
Lately when I look up I see this. Chemtrails on some days. Comtrails on others. It seems though more days than not it is the Chemtrails that are covering the sky.
Freedom to me is air without chemicals. Freedom is nature dictating the weather, not man. The pure blue sky you saw above quickly become hazy within hours of when the lay the trails. It's a big deal in that is also blocks the sun from warming things up.
Which means we are cold inside the the trailer - I know, it is endless!
When I ask you what drives your journey - it is important because it lays the tracks to all the experiences you will have.
When fear drives you, life is hard. When love drives you, life will be good - though most people don't really understand love as what it is... but that is a topic for another day.
When Freedom drives you, life will be challenging because there is very little true Freedom left in our world. As Benjamin Franklin said, when you choose security over liberty, you get neither.
I've been guilty of too much complaining about this journey I am on. But it has been easier to talk about what is wrong than what is right because no one can really relate and others seem to feel better by viewing my choices as temporary or some kind of failure....
The truth of what I have found in my travels is that very few people feel free, almost no one has any real happiness, and I have yet to meet anyone who is peace-full. Though there are plenty who are fear-full.
Yes, there are things that totally suck about all of this. But I would never go back to my old life. I would never trade places with anyone I've met so far. And I will forever have the images of the sky here with sun shining, clouds drifting, and flowers waving to remind me that Freedom is what drives me and just how good it feels.
So, what drives You? Okay then, drive on!
Today the wind is blowing - again. When it blows relentlessly like this me and the dog and cat are trapped inside except for basic exercise and bladder relief (his not mine).
But it gets tiring. The noise. The shaking of the trailer. The struggle to do basics like fill up water bottles or even open a door. The cold that is a 100 times worse with the wind.
Then, I read this: http://www.redbull.com/us/en/adventure/stories/1331627761530/explorers-battle-antarctic-cold or you can find the whole story here: http://scottexpedition.com/
You can see a bit in the first few seconds of this video:
And while I'm not in Antartica or dragging that much weight behind me - what is very familiar is the cold, the wind, and the leaning into it so I can keep going forward. Oh, and I get the benefit of dirt and debris in my nose, mouth, and eyes.
And here it all goes wrong. They are in much more deprivation like conditions. But they are temporary. They get airlift support for food and medical emergencies. They have corporate sponsors giving them money, gear, back up, and whatever else they need to accomplish their goals.
This isn't survival. It's the illusion of an adventure because if things go wrong someone will come when they call. Yes they can die, but so can you if you fall in your bathtub or decide to drive today.
Some of us don't have that. When you are tired and cold and hungry and wildly irritated by the elements and the only way out is to keep moving forward until things get better. If you don't, you die. No one is coming to save you. Trust me. That is survival.
You don't have to travel to one of the poles to find a very bleak horizon. Some of us just look outside.
Okay, I am grumpy and discouraged today. But I am also invigorated. I am getting clear on the real reason I am on this journey and it is not to travel in the footsteps of anyone who has gone before me - even Captain Scott of the Scott Expedition over a hundred years ago.
And it is not to test my post-apocalyptic skill set. And it is really not to run away from what I am afraid of. It might have started with a bit of all that, but things didn't turn out that way.
I am looking at new horizons and they are not bleak. Yes, days like today are hard. And as I was telling a friend, the cold is getting old. And truthfully, I've been hungry most of the last three years because living this way is really hard to eat the way we all do when life was "normal."
And while there is no airlift on its way to drop me a load of food - sadly! - I have the knowing that I can survive and endure and grow and learn and find meaning and beauty and strength from all of this.
Though, I sure wouldn't mind a few sponsors - but I've got a plan for that too! I think 2014 is going to be awesome. Now, if the freakin' wind would just stop blowing!
Radiation is a big topic right now for those who are awake to what is really happening in our world. The Fukushima event may be a distant memory for some, but if you live on the West Coast or eat seafood, aware or not, it is part of your current life.
I lived many years very close to the ocean in Southern California. The only reason I stopped was because of the high cost of living. But part of my decision to choose to live mobile in my tiny trailer was so I could go mobile if there was something I didn't like about where I was.
But in listening to all the discussions that are taking place right now about the effects of living next to the Pacific I got to thinking how our world is no longer very mobile. There is just no way a mass exodus could occur. But in the same breath - how do people just stay knowing the effects on the people they love?
Here is a reality of the current world we have created.
The more locked into one location, one life, or one relationship we become - the more we either need to defend what we have or deny what is happening. No matter the cost.
Surviving during a crisis is really just instinct. You react. Most people will claw, climb, or kill to survive at point blank range.
But that is very different than choosing to live every day.
What are you willing to let go of to protect who you love vs. what will you protect at the cost of who you love?
I can tell you first hand at the end of life, no one is focused on their stuff. Everyone, well almost, talks about the relationships in their lives and in their past. It is their greatest regret.
Think about all the ways in which we weigh our selves down and believe we can't walk away.
The Laws of the Universe are built on vibration - which is movement. Yet change, leaving, letting go, and any mobility seems to be the greatest fear of so many.
There is a great freedom in the ability to walk away and be mobile. It is not for everyone. But it is something to think about as our world is changing so quickly around us.
But here is the catch, the real reason we call others sheeple without really looking at ourselves. Freedom requires total responsibility. No, none of us can go back and change Fukushima and no, not everyone can pick up and move.
But if you choose to stay in any situation that is not in your best interest you must be honest about the why and then own the consequences. True freedom means there are no victims, just choices we all must make. Like the Fukushima 50 who knew the price. And also all those covering what is happening up. Every choice has a consequence - to stay or go.
But have you ever asked your self what is weighing you down so that you can't drive on?
It all began quite innocently. I've been trying to clean up a little but that usually means I need to be able to move stuff outside and well, as I've mentioned more than once the wind has not been my friend on this...
So, the other day we got a break - yea!
And then as I was shaking all the dirt out from the sheets and blankets on the bed - I found this.
Part of the bottom sheet I use to cover the mattress, etc, was crazy wet with brown crap on it - it's towards the bottom from pic above.
Thinking, hmmm did Freedom do a major pee job that I missed? No way the mouse that has been running around could have done that...
So, I kept digging...
And found black mold...
And kept digging to find white mold...
And a whole lot of moisture. Okay, Freedom clearly didn't do that!
After reading on the internet about causes and cures, as usual lots of different opinions. But since it's not done this the last two winters I am thinking it happened during that snow storm. The bed sits above an empty space with an empty 30 gallon water tank and the difference between cold, wet, and kinda warm made this mess.
I've put some plastic down between the mattress and the wood platform to see which side is causing the problem - but so far it has stayed dry.
The good news is it was a sunny day with no real wind so everything went outside to dry - and it did, eventually. It still isn't very warm.
This below is the mayhem - In the winter I have every blanket I own on some surface trying to keep the cold out!
It's a big deal to "make the bed" which is why I need outside...
Where Freedom spent the day waiting... and waiting.... and waiting for the day to pass. Which he decided to do with multiple dirt rolling. So much for shaking all the dirt out!
So with that project mostly done - just waiting for the water to reform so I know what to do next it is on to the mice.
And quite brazen this little mouse has become. I get less stressed as long as they stay out of my space and behind the walls. That changed the other day and he is all over the place.
The problem? I can't find the mouse traps I bought. So, that is my #1 priority today. He crossed a line and so back out into the cold he goes. I think I have the latest holes plugged, but who knows. This is a battle I don't seem able to win.
I still can't believe I have to spend my time with this kind of thing... but I would rather battle mold and mice than banks, southern California crazy, and commutes. Plus, if I did drive on I could go somewhere warmer and leave these mice behind... to be continued!
Today was a bit frustrating which I will share with you as I actually did take pictures of the latest disaster - you know, soon...
There seems to be something in the air - have you noticed it? People seem to be in a bad mood or just down or grumpy. The last few days I can't seem to shake something, though I don't know what it is.
The sun just flipped and maybe that is it... But for now, animals always make me feel better, here are a few of my favorites!
I had the door open most of the day working on my project - so it was only about 50 degrees inside. But Lilith made herself comfortable. She's having a bit of an ear thing going on right now and while she's being very good about letting me take care of her, she's much happier doing this.
And that is what parts of a day here look like. I'm only showing you the happy stuff - the real story was mice, mildew, and more along those lines. Sometimes you can't drive on, sometimes you've just got to suck it up and deal with it.... to be continued!
Part of my goal these days as I shift the focus of this blog, etc. is to offer a reality check for what has been termed "survivalist" or "prepper" or any of the other labels pinned on those of us who have had our world changed forever or are waiting for theirs to change forever.
Thinking about it and who is out there talking about survival are a whole lot of people focusing on the short term experience. Bad thing happens. You bug out. You bug back in - right? I mean, isn't the whole point of a bug out bag to get you through a few weeks, tops?
But what if you can't go home? What if there is no longer a home, only the road in front of you?
I spent five months once living out of a back pack. The only way I could do that is because I could go to the store and buy what I needed.
And there was no room for water, food, or dog food beyond a few days.
This idea of survival is often dependent on back up support systems. Military rescue teams. 911 calls. 24/7 stores. Cell phones. Hospitals. Be honest, what would you really DO if there was no back up?
All the training in the world can't answer this question because all forms of training end at some point. Except of course, the training that is our life.
The ideas I've had about survival have changed radically the longer I've lived with no back up plan or real home and only the journey.
I expect they will continue to evolve the longer it goes on because I don't really see anything different in the near future. And if there is one thing that is radically different it is just that.
When does survival end and "life" begin? Ralph Waldo Emerson says that life is a journey and not a destination. I've come to the conclusion that the only real destination we all have in common is the journey.
And life, like our journey on it, is for the long haul.
Personally I've been in survival mode most of my life. Childhood trauma that morphed into an ongoing death wish and then loss of loved ones and now loss of everything. It is truly a miracle I am even here now.
The short term game of survival is all about keeping the body safe long enough to get to the next moment. The long haul survival game is all about your mind and heart.
Eventually food stores will run out. The same is true for ammo, soap, and shoelaces. When survival goes long haul all the stuff and support systems go away.
All you are left with is who you are on the inside and who you are now being asked to become.
What happens then? Only time will tell for you and me both. But one thing there is no disputing, I'm in it for the long haul... Drive on!
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Welcome to my Journey!
I'm inviting you to join me on my journey as I seek to find a new way of being in an old set of systems. It's hard, but worth it!